Melbourne life: Ending and Beginning

"An ending of something is a beginning of another thing." My tutor, Tudor told me this afternoon. I heard this sentence many times in the past, but when I heard it today, again I feel I just heard it for the first time...

I try to reflect my present and past. Today, I am here in Melbourne, just finished my 6-weeks Introductory Academic Program. A Farewell Party in Alan-Gilbert is an ending of the first stage of my Melbourne life. It's an ending of a tough but useful training. It's an ending of trial and error learning stage during transition process. It's an ending of nervous days when coming in tutorial without enough preparations and my tutor ask, "Hands up if you've read your reading materials". It's an ending of exiting day when coming to tutorial with a good preparation. It's an ending of being nervous to speak in front of others during tutorial.

It's an ending of meeting familiar-people in the lecture, morning tea in the 7th floor of arts building and in tutorial. It's an ending to listen to very lovely voice of Song Ying from China. It's an ending of worthy discussion with Ipung. It's an ending of learning about time management, critical thinking and academic writing from Paul Gruba. It's an ending of asking question about phrasal verbs to Scott during morning tea. It's an ending for learning independency and professionalism from Tudor. I found that I feel something has been taken from me. Something lost and certain feeling of lonely, worries of something, but also a feeling of excitement. I try to find the answer why the feeling is exist?

I reflect to the past, and I found the same thing happened. June 2nd, Sukarno-Hatta Jakarta airport was an ending of a direct intimacy with my husband, my children, my friends and my family. It was an end of being cared, being loved, being given attention from beloved ones directly in my life. It was an ending of a tough days for managing workloads, studying English, learning academic writing and caring my families. It was an ending for sleeping late and wake up at night, stressful days in the worst traffic of Jakarta, and being pressured for article deadline. Somehow I felt something empty in my heart, a feeling of lonely, and anxiety for my childrens and my husband. "6 months is long time, what will happen to them, what will happen to me?"

It's the most difficult part of ending something I loved and familiar with. The most difficult thing is when I say good bye, shake my hand, release my hand, walk away and I didn't see them anymore. When I walked away, suddenly I create a poetry in my head, I heard a voice in my ears, perform the poetry in my head. So sentimental? Apart of that feeling, I feel an excitement to go to a new place, learn a new thing, speak, think and write in another language, meet new friends and colleagues. I feel a young spirit; to change my life, to help people, to make my idealism into reality, to provide a good education for my children in the future, to do may things I wanted to do. And suddenly I was in the plane, flied thousands kilometres for a reason to change.

I end one chapter of my life, begin a new chapter of my life.
One thing end, another thing begin. Is it a nature of human life?
But why it's always difficult to end something and to begin certain thing? Why should we must end one thing to begin another thing? Why can't we just begin something without ending one thing?

To begin something is never that hard like to end something. I have never afraid of what I will face in Melbourne, I have never afraid of living in a new place, living with unfamiliar people, experience a totally different wheather, experience a new things. I was brave enough to start everything by myself. I settled so quickly in Melbourne, It's not that hard like to settled in jakarta. Coming to Melbourne just like back to my small hometown. The environment is friendly, the nature is lovely, the life just so easy for me here. The most difficult thing for me is I enjoy everything by myself. I don't share the nice living in Melbourne with my family, I can't see my children playing in the playground, I can't see they are freely ride bike in a lovely garden, I can't read books with my husband reading besides me in the park.

I am happy to read a book in Carlton Garden. I am happy to ride my bike around the city. I am happy to walk along Yarra river. I am happy to cook new foods with my housemates. I am happy to study in my warm room. I am happy to eat icecream during winter with Michiyo. I am happy just to windowshopping in LygonCourt. I am just happy to see a very expensive things without buying them. I am happy to have a chat with a nice lady in the City-Circle tram. I am happy to have friends. I am happy for everything I do here. But I am not happy for not share my happiness with loved ones, my Arun and Ara, and my husband.

Back to the end of IAP program. The first chapter of Melbourne's life has closed with its nice memory, with its pain, with its lonely feeling. It's difficult to close the chapter suddenly, but time will be my friend. And without I realize it, I started to write a new chapter of first semester studying Development. It's exciting. It will be difficult, and it will be a challenge. And someday, I must end the 2nd chapter of my life in Melbourne. I will start a new chapter, I hope without feel so lonely anymore, I hope the new chapter will be more colorful with loves of my children and my husband.

I always remember the last speech of my tutor about three philosopher. Socrates said, "ask question, be critical." In the past I thought we will be a very cynical person if we always ask question and being critical for everything. But in my study here, it's part of my basic needs to be success, so its worthful to learn this from now.

Secondly, Epicurus place friendship as an important part in our life, but we must also be self-sufficient. I try to think about it. Yes, I got it. I need my loved ones to support me, but if they are away, I must be able to face any challenge here by myself.

Thirdly, Seneca said, "be prepared for everything might be happened in your life." My tutor gave a worst example, "lost everything because of fire, lost our family, lost all data in the computer, blablabla....what are you going to do?" If we prepare for everything in ourlife, lose something might not be so painful.

Now, I begin my second chapter in Melbourne. I tried to write it neatly, wisely, concisely, worthfully. I left the first chapter behind, it is not worthy to look back when I put my step forward, otherwise I will fall down. I learned from my mistakes in the first chapter and I won't to repeat the same thing happen. The second, third, and fourth chapter is waiting, with a beginning and an ending.